Coach

Dear Lucca,

I just read Coach, a wonderful short book by Michael Lewis, one of my favorite financial journalists. I read everything Lewis writes simply because he’s a great storyteller. But this one caught my attention because I recently hired my own coach. It’s funny how certain books resonate with you at different times in your life.

It isn’t only athletes who need coaches. Coaches are critical for anyone striving to improve their performance. Leading a team is challenging. And I’m never embarrassed to admit that I need help. Neither should you.

This book was also timely because you recently started playing your first team sport – flag football!! Your Mom and I really didn’t want you to play football as the sport’s pension for brain injuries has become increasingly clear. But we figured what’s the harm in flag football – keeping our fingers crossed that it doesn’t lead to a helmet!!

You’ve played three games so far and have had a total of maybe three practices. You are playing in a league with 8-10-year-old kids – you being at the bottom of that spectrum and almost always the tiniest player on the field (but often the fastest). Your team – a modern version of the bad news bears – didn’t score a point in your first game. It was a complete blowout. You bragged about your team’s two touchdowns in the second game and never once mentioned the other team’s seven TDs. Your third game was actually close – you lost by one or two TDs.

The entire time . . . you’ve had a blast. You could care less about the score. You literally make me go out and throw the ball around with you every day after school. For the pasts 3-4 weeks!! You are definitely getting better but I don’t see a Heisman in the future for you anytime soon as you still drop about every other ball thrown your way . . . a big improvement from where you started for sure!!

As reluctant as I sometimes am to get out there with you . . . again and again . . . I have to admit that throwing a ball around with you – any ball – is always the highlight of my day. It’s something I’ve been waiting to do since the day you were born. You’ve never been the kid really into sports (at least so far) and that’s probably because Dad isn’t a big jock, but it just warms my heart to be out there playing catch with my son.

Whether you stick with football or any other sport in your life, I hope you can find a “coach” that makes a positive impact on your development. It is something special when that person comes into your world and leaves you with memories that literally last your entire life. Here are a few of the lessons Michael Lewis shared in Coach, and a few of the lessons I hope you have the opportunity to learn as you continue working towards that Heisman (or Nobel Prize).

Ninety percent is not an A. One hundred percent is an A. Ninety percent is an F.

An invisible line runs from a parents' desire to minimize their children's discomfort to the choices the children make in their lives.

My goal in life is not for my son to play college ball. It's for my kid to be a better person, not just a better athlete. To learn that if he works at it, anything he wants, it's there for him.

What it meant to be a man was that you struggled against your natural instinct to run away from adversity. You battled.

One of the goodies about athletics is you get to find out if you can stretch. If you can get better. But you got to push. It's not all fun. Some days it's work.

We listened to the man because he had something to tell us. Not how to play baseball. Not how to win. Not even how to sacrifice. He was teaching us something far more important: how to cope with the two greatest enemies of a well-lived life, Fear and Failure. To make the lesson stick, he made sure we encountered enough of both. The only glory to be had would be in the quality of the struggle.

You can do anything you want in this life. You can accomplish anything you put your mind to. But to do anything of importance, you have to roll up your sleeves and put in the work. Day in and day out. You have to put in the reps. You have to make sacrifices. You have to push yourself beyond your comfort zone. You have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. You can get better if you stretch.

The hardest part for a parent is watching your child struggle. Our natural impulse is to help you. To remove the discomfort. But this isn’t helping you at all. It isn’t helping anyone except us. I hope to be conscious of this as you continue to grow into the amazing person you are becoming. And I hope you recognize that when we let you struggle with discomfort and occasionally fail. More importantly, I hope our rationale becomes clearer over time as previous today’s struggles turn into tomorrow’s successes.

Love you,

Dad

What is to give light must endure burning. - Viktor Frankl

He will never be a tough competitor. He doesn't know how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. - Lou Piniella